Funny quotes to share with friends. Send a quote to make them laugh & share a funny scene with them. Great for when you want to say: you remind me of this quote, or remember this?

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"Muhammed is the most commonly used name on Earth. Read a fucking book for once."
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\"Muhammed is the most commonly used name on Earth. Read a fucking book for once.\"

Fogel - Superbad

Muhammed is the most commonly used name on Earth. Read a fucking book for once.
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Muhammed is the most commonly used name on Earth. Read a fucking book for once.

Fogel - Superbad

I've been meaning to talk to you about that. You should find yourself a safehouse or a relative close by. Lay low for a while, because you're probably wanted for murder.
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I've been meaning to talk to you about that. You should find yourself a safehouse or a relative close by. Lay low for a while, because you're probably wanted for murder.

Ron Burgundy - Anchorman

I read somewhere their periods attract bears. Bears can smell the menstruation.
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I read somewhere their periods attract bears. Bears can smell the menstruation.

Brick Tamland - Anchorman

Knights of Columbus, that hurt.
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Knights of Columbus, that hurt.

Ron Burgundy - Anchorman

Discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it San Diego, which of course in German means a whale's vagina.
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Discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it San Diego, which of course in German means a whale's vagina.

Ron Burgundy - Anchorman

It's never the person you most suspect. it is never the person you least expect. it is always the person you most medium suspect.
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It's never the person you most suspect. it is never the person you least expect. it is always the person you most medium suspect.

Dwight Schrute - The Office

I'm in a glass case of emotion.
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I'm in a glass case of emotion.

Ron Burgundy - Anchorman

The Tiger got outta the cage, alright man? I'm sorry.
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The Tiger got outta the cage, alright man? I'm sorry.

Francis - Superbad

Alright, when I say your name, you say 'here.' And we will assume 'here' is short for 'here I am...rock you like a hurricane.
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Alright, when I say your name, you say 'here.' And we will assume 'here' is short for 'here I am...rock you like a hurricane.

Ignignokt - ATHF

Ha, that sounds like she fully wants it man. Oh yea! Who's gonna give it to her, huh my, man? You!! That's who….You guys on MySpace orr…
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Ha, that sounds like she fully wants it man. Oh yea! Who's gonna give it to her, huh my, man? You!! That's who….You guys on MySpace orr…

Francis - Superbad

Getting it is easy... filling it with illegal substances and sending it across the border is not.
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Getting it is easy... filling it with illegal substances and sending it across the border is not.

Ignignokt - ATHF

She's DTF...P in va-G
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She's DTF...P in va-G

Seth - Superbad

Well, Jules, the funny thing about my back is that it's located on my cock.
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Well, Jules, the funny thing about my back is that it's located on my cock.

Seth - Superbad

Alright...I gotta take a piss. My dick's not gonna shake itself. Come on.
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Alright...I gotta take a piss. My dick's not gonna shake itself. Come on.

Seth - Superbad

No?! Miss each other? Noo thank you. I don't
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No?! Miss each other? Noo thank you. I don't

Evan - Superbad

Yeah I'm gonna get one, fo sho, fo sho. I'm getting that fo sho!
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Yeah I'm gonna get one, fo sho, fo sho. I'm getting that fo sho!

Seth - Superbad

Totally... Totes McGotes
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Totally... Totes McGotes

Peter Klaven - I Love You, Man

Slapping the bass! Slappa da bass! Slappa da bass mon! Slappa de bass mon!
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Slapping the bass! Slappa da bass! Slappa da bass mon! Slappa de bass mon!

Peter Klaven - I Love You, Man

See you later, Joben!
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See you later, Joben!

Peter Klaven - I Love You, Man

You don’t have the technology OR the steady hands to pull off a procedure like that so HA!
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You don’t have the technology OR the steady hands to pull off a procedure like that so HA!

Fogel - Superbad

LOUUUD NOISES!
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LOUUUD NOISES!

Brick Tamland - Anchorman

I love lamp.
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I love lamp.

Brick Tamland - Anchorman

I don't know how to put this but I'm kind of a big deal. People know me.
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I don't know how to put this but I'm kind of a big deal. People know me.

Ron Burgundy - Anchorman

I'm gonna punch you in the ovary, that's what I'm gonna do. A straight shot. Right to the babymaker.
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I'm gonna punch you in the ovary, that's what I'm gonna do. A straight shot. Right to the babymaker.

Ron Burgundy - Anchorman

60% of the time, it works every time.
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60% of the time, it works every time.

Brian Fantana - Anchorman

Robert better not get in my face... 'cause I'll drop that motherfucker!
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Robert better not get in my face... 'cause I'll drop that motherfucker!

Brennan - Step Brothers

You can all have jobs at Schrute Farms as human scarecrows. Although it doesn't pay much, and you can't uniounize.
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You can all have jobs at Schrute Farms as human scarecrows. Although it doesn't pay much, and you can't uniounize.

Dwight Schrute - The Office

It wasn't even about the eggs, really. Frankly, I like the yolks. I have no problem. There's always been a lot of tension between Lois and me. And it's not so much that I want to kill her, it's just, I want her not to be alive anymore.
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It wasn't even about the eggs, really. Frankly, I like the yolks. I have no problem. There's always been a lot of tension between Lois and me. And it's not so much that I want to kill her, it's just, I want her not to be alive anymore.

Stewie - Family Guy

Um, I'm sorry, it's the-- it's the pleats. It's uh, it's actually a n optical illusion. It's the pattern on the pants. It's not flattering in the crotchal region. I'm actually taking them back right now. Taking them back to... the pants store.
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Um, I'm sorry, it's the-- it's the pleats. It's uh, it's actually a n optical illusion. It's the pattern on the pants. It's not flattering in the crotchal region. I'm actually taking them back right now. Taking them back to... the pants store.

Ron Burgundy - Anchorman