Shidduch Resume

ALWAYS a geshmaka white one, but with plastic over it! its pronounced shabbat Oyoyoy! Plastic its cheaper umm... whats shabbos? whatever, doesnt really matter

ankle socks, regular socks, its all good Boy: black socks/ Girl: white tights of course i try not to wear socks unless its cold, i usually stick with flip flops or sandals Na Nach socks! what kinda stupid question is this? white tights no matter what

dance spontaneously! give them flirty looks oy why would they be on the same side of the street as me??? pick them up! turn my head and pretend I dont see them, turn red, and if Im with friends, giggle walk by, say hi if i know them, good shabbos if its shabbos, otherwise just be casual

Boy: peyos, black hat or soup bowl yarmulka covering most of it, maybe a beard. Girl: Humongous bump, headband; tichul or obvious sheitel when married. Boy: whatever works, just as long as its covered by a respectable kippa and not too long. Girl: whatever looks best (covered by tichul, natural looking sheitel, funky hat, etc.) Boy:peyos, beard, velvet hat or streimel, BALD! Girl: pony tail; when married covered and BALD! GIGANTIC NACHMAN YARMULKA AND PEYOS!!!! whatever looks hottest whatever you want, but boys should wear some sort of kippah

generally maria, but that depends on what her name is... my b**** the help we try not to socialize with her unless were criticizing her. shes always the Shiksa or Goyta well when shes around we call her by her name, but in private shes the Shiksa or the Goyta who needs clean when you have Nachman???

a shadchan! collecting tzeddaka in shul before taking a shower converting people to breslov chassidus! tossing a nickel at the dude playing guitar in the subway volunteering for hatzalah what on earth is chessed???

father tells me im engaged. spontaneous nachman dancing! flirty comments on how hot they each look man picks woman up. they go to nice fancy kosher restaurant man picks woman up. they hug, go to fancy restaurant, or movie and hold hands at some point my father spends an hour interrogating how frum the potential shidduch is. after approval, we get in car and woman does NOT wear seatbelt (its not tznius) my father tells me that im engaged

Boys: a bekeshe over white tights. Girls: white tights under dresses or dressy skirts that sweep the floor Boys: any pants, jeans, or shorts. Girls: any pants, jeans, or shorts. Boys: any sort of jeans, pants, or shorts as long as its not too bummy. Girls: skirts anywhere below the knee Boys: dress pants. Girls: dresses or dressy skirts that sweep the floor what would rebbi nachman wear? who cares about appropriate, take em off!

chuck it past a homeless dude or a religious jew and enjoy the show! donate it to the rebbes tzeddaka! drop it in the tzeddaka box! keep it unless theres a dude collecting tzeddaka nearby, in which case I'd give it to him leave it, its a freakin quarter! let you have it on condition that you put on a nachman yarmulka!

afro man, or anything else with dirty language or inuendos im more into non jewish stuff, but sometimes a jewish song playing can pump me up, especially matisyahu only jewish, lipa is a posheter yid! only jewish, shwekey and carlebach are geshmak! only non jewish stuff, jewish music is without exception, garbage rabbi nachman, nachman meuman, nachman meuman, rabbi nachman meuman! oy oy oy oyoyoy oy oy oyoyoy oy oy oyoyoy oy oy...!!!

chas vishaloim should there be any association! i do have. were actually on pretty good, terms they accept me for who i am and i accept them. ive tried showing them the beauty of religion but if they dont like it i leave them alone. i have plenty, i just put religion aside and act cool so they dont feel uncomfortable and we can relate with each other. if they dont become frum, theyre cut off relentlessly bombard them with nachman till they give in! the real question is if i had any *religious* relatives

no. so what? of course!!!!!!!!!!!! id be so embarrassed if she didnt, id never find a shidduch! she doesnt even have hair, but she covers her head of course! um... why would she? who does that? what difference does it make? its my religiosity that matters not my mothers yes and shes currently working on getting a nachman hair covering!

define middos... do you want my exact size? everyone does! sure why not, im pretty chilled what does it matter, were getting married whether we like it or not yeah i think im a pretty good person, i try to do chessed when i get the opportunity

co-ed, not much of a dress code, a bit of torah, etc.. chas vishalom not co-ed, really strict dress code, limited secular studies, college forbidden, constant watch... i didnt attend anything called a 'yeshiva' no such thing as a 'co-ed yeshiva', or goyishe limudim in a yeshiva. only torah. typical non-coed school, pretty chilled but you have to dress appropriately, warm rebbeim, firm secular studies, etc... we had 3 classes: torah, dancing, and knitting nachmukas!

heimishe meuman! ok these words r starting to bug me, what language is this anyway??? to be honest i dont quite know the exact meaning of the word but the overall feeling is that im pretty heimishe this is the 1st question i dont understand yeah my parents are pretty wealthy yes and i have a heimishe mishpucheh!

hes a chiller hes a very smart and strict litvishe rav hes an amazing speaker, very warm, insightful, and open-minded rebbe. not rav, rebbe. this is the last time im gonna ask for the definition of a word... you dont know rebbi nachman???????????

i couldnt live without it! i dont get why some people are against it, these rabbis gotta chill no chas vishalom!!!!!!! such things r despicable! shtus boxes are horrible, and internet is only useful with every jewish filter system available, and only for business! oyoyoyoyoyoyoyoy!!!!!!!!!!! sure how do you think im doing this now? im very careful with what i watch though vus is dus shtus??? who doesnt???

chas vishalom! its horrible!... i dont even know what facebook is... really! my rabbi gave me this resume! only to post things about rebbi nachman! sure its not a big deal if youre careful um... yeah... its how i keep up with my crushes and stalk my ex-es vus is dus???? yeah so does everyone i know theres nothing wrong with it!

i dont even get the joke... not even sure why im taking it. whats a shidduch anyway? no its kinda funny actually no this whole thing is ridiculous no... my marriage is arranged by my parents only if people become breslov because of it! yes! the only way i can get married is if everything about me is put on paper!

NACHMAN MEUMAN!!!!!!!!! no i had emunah already. this was just interestingly humorous no my father chose my bashert not at all thats it i quit. yes! imy''h itll help me find my bashert!