Deep Thoughts By Jack Handey

Give a Deep Thought by Jack Handey to your friend as seen on SNL.

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Memory Problems

Deep Thoughts By Jack Handey

If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let'em go, because, man, they're gone.

Freeheel Dave

Deep Thoughts By Jack Handey

If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.

Shark on Elephant

Deep Thoughts By Jack Handey

One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh no," I said, "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but decided it was getting late.

Safe for Children

Deep Thoughts By Jack Handey

"I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then when somebody comes up act like they just woke up and go, 'What was THAT?!'