Which Obscure Nba Player Are You?

Being useless. Blocking shots, running the full length of the court and throwing one down. Also, poor hygiene Blue Steel BOARDS Capping a dude that looked at you sideways Flapping your arms, blocking shots. Glaring sullenly at team-mates when they refuse to go to a screening of Helping people pronounce your name. Hitting a swag of buckets, then never being heard from again. Jacking up a 3 when you CLEARLY should be going inside to try and post up Putting a comb in yo fro. Raining 3's until you've built a house, wishing for the good old days. Running...and running...and running... Setting an awkward pick, then trying to box out. Swearing loudly in a language that may or may not exist. Tearing your shirt open after any and every play. Warming the bench for real players. Waving a towel. Weeping during important games. Writing a Haiku.

A Baltic military academy A bleak, soulless campus somewhere slightly West of Siberia. A community college, and be damn grateful you had that Any required, indoors lecture or tutorial. Anywhere that approved my VISA Aspen Chemistry Derek Zoolander's School For Kids Who Can't Read Good Hairdressing for amateurs. Juvie Mark Madsen's Institute Of Hustle Mostly Euro-raves. Nothing...but should have Politics Safe driving classes Somewhere small, unassuming and very fortunate. Like George Mason. Sunnydale High This little college in Western Europe, where you weren't heaps well known or popular but one time you almost asked out this cute girl that you saw at a frat party, but then she smiled at you shyly and you got all nervous and started stammering and lo To bidness. Attended to bidness, nowadamean? Word. Get out of my grill, before I kill you. Weightlifting classes, Gym, shifty back alleys where people may have distributed illegal PED's.

Be aware that coach has better options than you. Be on the bench but aware that you could contribute better than half your starters. Block a shot, but be unaware of what you've done Chuck up buckets like there's no tomorrow (here's a tip: there might not be) Crawl into the foetal position and weep hopelessly. Hiss threateningly at opponents, maybe eyeball that cute Luke Walton. Make some great hustle plays, use your gigantic wingspan. Most likely get traded. Screw it up. Set a screen, hustle, energy, commitment, hair, scream animalistically. Start swinging at your team-mates, blame them for your lack of heart. Take a rebound, look around desperately for someone else. Take any and every shot that comes your way, no matter what half of the court you were in. Take it yourself, without any conscience. THREE! THREE! THREE! Throw the ball off the backboard to yourself to get an extra rebound and, hopefully, assist. Throw up an air ball, then throw up on the sideline. Try your little heart out. Wait for the starting centre to get fouled out. Watch from the sidelines

A garbageman A large, expiring contract A male model A member of ZZ Top A pro snowboarder A team cancer A warrior in the USSR armed forces Allowed to dye your hair. Bob Marley Chieftain of your father's tribe Clean French In an ABBA tribute band Indoors Making sausages More than a one-hit wonder More than just initials Pronounceable Talented Useless

Applying sunblock. Asking for a lift home from a teammate Begging coach for another 10-day contract. Being useless. Car-jacking Chatting up women of dubious physical health. Composing a letter to the President about your anti-war sentiments. Icing your ageing back and knees. Lost in your own reflection Patiently explaining to reporters how to spell your name. Punching the wall, just for kicks. Reading the latest Stephanie Meyer tween novel. Shaking uncontrollably, trying not to have a fix. Sneering at people telling him to take a bath Stoned Surfing the Net, checking snow reports. Talking in corners with unshaven, threatening men. Telling your posse how well you played, regardless of what actually happened. Washing Kobe's dirty laundry. Wondering if you wander the streets, will people recognise you?

A baboon A crab A ferret A fieldmouse A gorilla A hyena A jackal A lemur A mosquito A pig A prancing stallion A rhinoceros A Siberian tiger A stick insect A tapir A vampire bat A vulture A yellow-footed rock wallaby An albatross An orangutan

Any team that's really, really useless. Boston: Where great role players go to die. Cleveland: Great team chemistry, but no one except LeBron is really required. Denver: Great slopes Detroit: Home of second chances. To most. Golden State: Sunny, happy, lots of running. Indiana: Run, commit, hustle. LA Clippers: Perennial underachievers. LA Lakers: Pretty boy showboaters Memphis: Lucky to be in the league, but surprises on occasion Miami: Because if you can't get what you need there, move to Phoenix. New Jersey: Eastern seaboard, near the big city, convenient swamplands to dump bodies. New York: All the better to hide in shadows and paint your nails in drainpipes. Plus a recent history of suckiness. Oklahoma City: Highest likelihood to stay out of trouble. Orlando: Based almost entirely around 3-point shooting. Orlando: Cos there's no NBA in Louisiana. Philadelphia: Hard working souls Portland: Very forward-thinking, Pacific Northwest, urban and civilised Toronto: The closest thing to Europe Washington: As close to your college history as you can get.