What Period Of History Are You?

A hogshead of mead and a cut of pork, if there's any here. Bread and water. Papa says he'll afford more now that he's got a job at the new factory. Cereal. Maybe some toast. Meat and potatoes. Yum. Some grapes. A little wine, perhaps some nuts. Wine. Just wine.

A new factories opened up. I've heard they pay better than farmwork, even if it is cramped and dangerous. I'm an artist and I work when the urge takes me. I'm signing up for the crusades today! A shame I can't actually write... In the grand army of the emperor of course! Legionary and proud! Office job. Work? We all do what we can. As for me, I've been conscripted into the army. Someone's got to show those Huns some fight.

Did I ever tell you about the time that peace-loving tribe in Abyssinia stumbled into our cannons' range of fire. That was a laugh, I can tell you. I head down to the amphitheatre for some gladiatorial combat! I've heard they've got some from the Germanic tribes this week: should be a good fight. I've heard that marvellous playwright, Shakespeare, has written a new show. I can't miss out! Trapped in this god-forsaken castle whilst the Turks try to starve us out and reclaim it? I don't have the energy for entertainment. TV, Video Games, Rollercoasters...there's too many ways to name. Well, me and the lads have found a way to cook those blighter, the mites, by heating an empty tin of bully-beef with a candle. Still, I could be dead tomorrow.

I haven't got any food, never mind a lawnmower. I lend him my lawnmower, knowing fully that the sneaky git probably won't return it. I produce an odd contraption: steam-powered and litered with an assortment of gears that I don't quite understand. I won't dare touch it, though. That's the last time he steps into my territory! I skewer him and enslave his family, in the name of the Emperor! There's a lawnmower coming?! Behind the trenches! Call for amoured assistance! Do something! What devilry is this Science?! I report him to the local church for blasphemy. Lawnmower? God is the only lawnmower I need!

A what? Ah, that'll be Chung Choy, our Opium trader. Dirty heathen! But...if he's trading spices, I could ignore that momentarily. China? There's no unified China. And what's he doing in this trench? Smite the non-believer! So?